I'm pretty sure I could quote almost every line from Brown Sugar.

I've never been so in love with hip-hop.

I've never been so in love with words. Poetry. With the idea of being in love.

Hip-HOPE is what they should call it.

See, I never thought I'd see myself as a serial dater. Or someone who couldn't take being single. I thought I could handle a lot of things, and that obviously blew up in my face.

I mean, I guess that's a good thing, right? Naivety never really got anyone anywhere. Good judgment usually comes from experience. And experience usually comes from bad judgment. So where does good experience come from? Good judgment? If so, I'm judging this every which way I could.

I'm hoping to God that my head's not up in the clouds the way it's been with boyfriend number 2, or the guys I dated up until now. I won't attribute that to bad judgment though. I'd attribute that to a lack of judgment at all--ignorance, numbness. Now, it's like that feeling of elation has been renewed within me. You see, I am enjoying me the best way I can. I've had my ups, and I've been on some downs--but I always am reminded of the fact that I've crawled out of so much worse, and hopefully been at the lowest struggle God sees my ability in handling.

Every single day is the beginning to the rest of my life, I think. And lately, there hasn't been such thing as a bad day...or a lonely day...because I'm surrounded by good people, and good opportunities, and good experiences.

I'm surrounded by him.

And it's funny because he's 2,500 miles away. But I've never felt closer to anyone...not this way...

I'm in love with the idea of being in love...with him.

And I promised myself that I wouldn't let myself fall into that cycle again. It's not good for me. I know I'm not an object, why subject myself to being one?

He...treats me like...some sort of amazing. Treats me like an equal...looks me in the eyes...as best as he can from 2500 miles away...and sometimes, if I REALLY imagine it just right, I can already feel how his hand would feel in mine, and the fun we'd have together...and how good he'd smell, and how tight I'd squeeze him...and all the stuff we're interested in.

It's insane how invested I am to someone I haven't had the pleasure of holding yet...but I'm helping him look for jobs...heard his stories...his ups...his downs...the girls who have broken his heart, and the girl, me, who will hopefully mend it and make it better. I'd do anything to bring him closer to me...to finally be HIS girl, and no one else's.

I made the promise...if I found the person to make me happy, I'd never let him go.

Looks like a promise I'm gonna be good at keeping because I've never wanted to be so faithful to someone before.

He thinks I'm pretty and I don't even have makeup on. My hair's triflin' and I probably just came home from the gym...but I guess he doesn't care because he just likes seeing me.

And that gives me the warm fuzzies.

I don't like being mushy gushy. I never believed in it. But all of a sudden, I'm a hot mess of mushy gushy.

UGH...okay...back to studying. <3