The truth is...

I am content with where I am, but it doesn't mean I don't think about how things could be on an alternate plane.

I feel like I'm walking on eggshells...afraid that you'll think less of me, but regretful if I do nothing.

And so far I've been feeling regret...because truth be told, it's not hard for me to get attention. I get it often, and it's nothing I brag about or care about because I'm shy and ignore it half the time.

It just sucks that the only person whose attention I want doesn't want mine. Or at least acts like it.

I can't miss what I never had. But I feel like there's something there that maybe I should be missing...

I told myself that if there's nothing there, then whatever. And I've been doing a good job of holding true to that. Like I said...getting that attention wherever I go...I have a new job, and I have people to go out with. But if I COULD just settle with someone...prove to them that I'm not as fragile as they think I am...I would take that chance.

And it sucks that I can't even be myself around that person because I feel like I might say something wrong. And I fumble all my words around. And I fuckin act like a giddy airheaded waitress with upward inflections to all my sentences and who giggles at things that aren't even funny.

And if there was some easy way to tell them all that, I wish I'd spit it out already because it's starting to annoy me.

I just have a feeling I'm being let go...and as much as I don't WANT to be...I think I am. And I wonder if they'll regret it if they do. And I wonder if we'll just be content being separate when we could try to be better than content together. And I wonder...

if I'm willing to let down my guard again...because I want to say I'm ready...

And I think I'm being let go.

And I think I should let go too.

Feelings suck.