and now, the end is near, and so i face, the final curtain
my friend i`ll say it clear i`ll state my case of which i`m certain...
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hey everyone, well, this is it. the end of summer before junior year. my last day was pretty fun. i took those cousins of mine to jamba and the movies. we watched red eye. it was an ALRIGHT movie. i liked it a lot, but it wasn`t exactly what i was expecting. i still really liked it though. hmm...in some ways, i`m excited for school because i`m trying a lot of new things that i`ve never really tried before and i can`t wait to see where this new stuff leads me. i`m excited to be looking at colleges and things like that, but i`m damn scared to face adulthood. part of me wants to stay here; stay in the teenage years...because i don`t really think i`ve lived my teenage years up. i never went out to the mall with my friends...at least not as much as i would have liked to. i stayed home. i hid behind my introvertive identity and lashed out only when i felt it was safe. my spontaneity (spelling?) was lost in the midst of preteenhood. by that time, i was already fantasizing about driving or getting out of my parents` life. my regrets are getting the best of me. and i hate being the sap. i hate thinking sometimes. it depresses me. i wish i could just go and have fun without having to think about responsibilty because i already know i`m responsible. i wish i didn`t have to feel the guilt of wanting to leave this place...the bubble...the comfort. it`s only junior year, and you`d think i was moving away tomorrow. but no...it`s one of those times where i think way too far into the future and forget about the present. it`s always been a problem of mine. stress about the past. worry about the future. forgetting about the present. forgetting that the present is what matters to make UP for the mistakes in the past, and to make the future better. life is so incredibly insightful and complex that i don`t know where to start. i`m afraid. i`m afraid of growing up. i don`t want to just yet. i want to stay in the iwishwereendless summers and drive around with the windows down feeling the [polluted] air blow into my face. driving during sunset. it`s just about that time in my life where i`m starting to appreciate things a WHOOOLE lot more. maybe i should have appreciated the time when i couldn`t reach the sink. it marked my innocence. i miss that. this year. this year will begin the process of growing up...really this time. it means SATs. it means applying to college. it means getting accepted and the excitement of moving away. i`ll never forget where i came from. it molded me into the person i am. and i`m proud of the person i am. come on home, to california...