frosh orientation
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was OKAY. it wasn`t AS fun as i thought it would be. it was just a bunch of work. but yeah. our little sisters are sweet and i can`t wait to hang with them and have a slammin` time =). i was dead tired though. all day, all i did was try and be happy and hyper...but that thing doesn`t last all day for me. it fizzled when i got in the car. by that time, i was collapsing and stuff. my dad was trying to teach my how to get gas and i`m blank. idk how to do it anymore. haha. ok, well yeah i do, but still. i was dead tired. when i got home, i slept for 3 hours only to wake up to a bunch of chores. blah. i just took a loooong shower. gross. i was spraying my hair with water from a little spray bottle thing, but when i looked inside, it had SPORES growing IN THE BOTTLE. i was like...GROSSS!!! so i threw it away and stopped using it. and when i came home, i just washed my hair. a LOT. hahaha. i felt all grimy and gross after orientation...especially since it was so hot. and you know what? i`m too tired to even explain the rest to you. the end.
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later.

SUMMER FRICKEN SUCKED
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yes. that`s right. summer SUCKED. i hated summer. i didn`t do anything, and now it is my last week of "freedom"...although ISOLATION is more like it...and nothing is going to change. i`m still going to be bored. i`m not going to have anything to do, and i`m still going to be asking for rides from people because the stupid license i have is pointless. so pointless that i took my key and my license and put it on my dad`s desk and said, "i don`t want my license anymore. there`s no point in having it if i can`t even use it." and that`s the damn truth. i don`t want my license anymore. it serves me no purpose. none at all. i can`t take myself anywhere because everywhere happens to be "too far". the only places my parents WILL let me drive is to my cousin`s house...and that has no point because she`s in SCHOOL NOW, or to church. Church has no point either because my mom decided that she wants to go with me now all of a sudden so SHE drives and I don`t. so whatever, i don`t want the GODDAMN license anymore. to all of you who i`ve told that i got my license to you can just FORGET I HAVE IT because i practically don`t anyway. this summer was filled with nothing but DISHES, LAUNDRY and SHIT. ABSOLUTE SHIT. i did not have fun, i`m sorry. i was not nostalgic of good times, i`m sorry once again. everytime i DID have somewhere to go, the time was limited to a few hours or so of fun. and for some ODD FUCKING REASON "time HAS TO FLY when you`re having fun". so FUN honestly felt like 15 minutes out of my entire summer. i didn`t get to see my boyfriend as much as i wanted to. i didn`t even hang out with my COUSINS as much as i wanted to. EXCUUUUUUUUSE me for COMPLAINING. i`m sorry i didn`t mean to. but you know what? BITE ME. YOU PROBABLY HAD MORE FUN THAN I DID ANYWAY.

I CAN`T WAIT TIL SCHOOL. THE HOMEWORK MIGHT GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO FOR ONCE. because homework and chores is all my life is good for anyway. CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF YOU WHO GET TO GO OUT ON A REGULAR BASIS--I BETTER NOT HEAR YOU COMPLAIN IF YOUR PARENTS ARE "MEAN TO YOU" OR WHATEVER because CHANCES ARE...YOUR PARENTS ARE NOT LIKE MINE.

OK. i`m done complaining.

horizons
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this whole license thing is really fun...i`m trying as hard as possible to enjoy my time with it because before long, it will be nothing but a chore. the excitement will undoubtedly fizzle away with the coming errands and obligations. however, no one is really letting me take the excitement. they`re pushing it off like i don`t have the damn license. i guess you`ve probably figured out that i`m talking about my parents. i don`t know what their problem is. well, i guess i can understand their worry and anxiety about having me, their "baby girl" on the road. one of the few things i hate about being on only child really...the worry is all focused on me, and it`s almost as if i`m one-third of the reason for all their anxiety and stress. great. i cause stress in the household. don`t get me wrong, though, they have let me drive a few places. well, whatever...time will only tell.
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so i just had a heated argument with my mother. i had recently informed my parents that i`m interested in moving to san diego for college with a few of my friends...la jolla to be exact...i want to go to UC san diego. however, my mother had to bring up the possibility that perhaps "they`ll by a condo in san diego...NEAR LA JOLLA". i blew up on her at that moment saying that i didn`t want to go to UCSD anymore. she then brought up the whole, "fine. don`t ask me for anything. if you have problems then you can just be by yourself because i`m not going to help you anymore. don`t come to me anymore. just because i said that, you all of a sudden don`t want to go to college anymore?!" i retaliated by saying, "i didn`t say i didn`t want to go to college, i just don`t want to go to UCSD anymore because you and dad are ALWAYS WITH ME. how can i ever find my independence? i`m not saying i don`t want you with me, but you don`t give me a chance to grow up. you always want me with you. why do you think filipino kids are living with their parents when they`re 30 years old?! because their parents want their children to always depend on them. that`s what makes us have a bad repuation because filipino children are lazy and think they can always depend on their parents and they never become independent until they`re 50 years old. why do you think manang didn`t go to UC riverside?! because her parents wanted her someone near (sorry i brought you up manang, and sorry if i didn`t get the story exactly accurate) manang can barely control her life because everyone wants her to be a nurse and to stay here." i just want to control my own life. it`s not fair for someone to tell another person what to be. i`m 16 years old. i think about my future. i`m mature. BUT i`m not saying i don` t want to go to college. i`m not saying i want my parents to go ahead and abandon me. i`m not saying i don`t need them. i`m just asking for space. i thought that with a license, i`d have that space, and i kind of do from my dad. but now my mom is becoming the tyrant, and it sucks. there`s no other way to put it. the horizons i`m looking to explore seem so distant because there`s always something holding me back.
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and here i go complaining again. i hate being complainy. i often whine and babble, and by the end of the complaining spree i figure out that everything i was complaining about was a waste of time, and probably didn`t make much sense. i`ll get over it...as i do often get over most things that happen in my life. don`t take it as me talking about myself -LORD FORBID anyone do that in their OWN blog- i just needed to rant. normally, i`d put something like this in my journal, but maybe it was one of those things i want other people to know. maybe they can relate...who knows. maybe not...maybe they`ll get annoyed. there are a ton of people out there...don`t know who they are...but they have their views and i have mine. end of story. i don`t feel like not making sense anymore.