i feel like jane eyre...
>>
hi everyone. i bet you`re all wondering why i feel like jane eyre. well, a very recurring motif in jane eyre is isolation. the reason for her isolation is because everytime she gets close to someone, she loses them--or they leave her. for instance, she got close to helen burns, then helen died. she idolized miss temple, then [miss temple] got married. i`m currently at the part where jane is madly in love with mr. rochester, but because they come from very different social castes, it is hard for them to have an open relationship. now jane is afraid that her beloved mr. rochester is going to leave and marry the beautiful and accomplished miss ingram...
>>
my closest friends are going to leave me. is it so bad that i don`t want them to go? i`m going to be alone and lonesome buried in my own burdens with no one to really talk to anymore. [i mean at school.] i won`t have anyone to complain to or relate to or fight with...they`re either moving schools or moving out of state. and i`m so so sad. i don`t want them to go. i feel bad for everything i`ve said or done--if i had done--anything to offend them or make them annoyed. i feel really bad, and i want at least ONE of them to stay. can`t ONE of them just STAY with me? i don`t wanna be alone at a school where everyone is superficial and barely any of them are deep, and everything they think is important like couture purses and $500495793847938475984375 pants that you can get for $12 at forever 21. i mean, i don`t mean that it`s bad to spend your money. but i just don`t want to be around someone who is going to flaunt it to me 24/7. half of everyone isn`t deep enough, and if they are deep, they either don`t WANT to be deep, or they`re too bitchy to be deep WITH you. i`ll have nowhere to belong if they leave and it will make me so sad. of course i have my other friends, but they`re just the friends that i have good times with, and laugh with, and dance with, and joke with, BUT can`t really TALK to when i`m having a problem or when i need to have a deep conversation. the friends that are leaving are who i have my deep convos with and sometimes cry with and give big hugs to at the end of the conversation. they`re leaving me, and all i`ll have left to carry for the rest of high school is a backpack full of the following contents: a pencil bag, an agenda, books the size of new england, an AP testing book, an SAT testing book, and a heavy heavy heart. sigh...i wish they didn`t HAVE to go...

ONE TREE HILL LAST NIGHT!!!
>>
geeze. is it just me or is it that every single friggin person in one tree hill is a fruckin hottie. that teacher guy is hot. what`s his name? "andy"? he`s hot. that race car guy was hot. that kid who played that one chick`s brother last night was hot...let me tell you why. BECAUSE HE`S JAMES LAFFERTY`S REAL BROTHER IN REAL LIFE. CAN YOU SAY, "RUNS IN THE FAMILIA!!!" sorry, i`m really excited today. i`m hyper for some reason, and that reason...hell, who knows what it is. hmm. that episode last night was really good. well, except for the part where they were all dancing. that was random as hell, and i felt like i was high. i can`t wait until next week`s episode. it`s gonna be interesting. mayn i hope haley comes back; she should care that her hubster got into a car crash at 200 miles/hour. i haven`t watched OC in FOREVER! what the hell is wrong with me?! oh well. last few days--CRAP. i just want it to be summer already! why is it cold?! it`s MAY. GOSH. well, i`m in religion right now. i`m gonna go. so yeah. later.

i`m over life...and i think i`ve had enough
>>
exactly one month until summer. i think i`m going to cry. from now until the second semester of senior year, i`m going to be so so stressed out. i`m going to cry. the end of the year of sophomore year is killing me. i just want to burn all the tests and quizzes, and since we`re talking about burning, i`d like to "burn" [figuratively] the "burn book" with all that crap about me circulating itself all over the internet under the hands of someone i`d rather not say, but they know who they are. i`m sick of drama. it makes me sad and angry. why couldn`t i just have a retarded and dramaless high school life like my cousins? they had their friends and they didn`t seem to give a shit about anything else. i could care less if i`m popular. i could care even lesser than that if i had all the boys wanting to go out with me. i`m not stupid, and i know where to draw lines. any kind of line. whether it has to do with, well, you know, inappropriate decisions. high school isn`t all about sex, drugs, and booze. i think high school means finding where you belong and being happy with it. now i`m just rambling. usually i don`t like rambling. when i ramble i don`t make sense. i can never think straight when i`m trying to make a point. it`s so stupid. i want to escape. i want it to be summer. i want to go to pga and have fun and ride on top gun and black out like i usually do on that ride. i want to go around in my cousin`s tercel and pump the punk covers up really loud and ride in neighborhoods. i want to go driving and actually keep the radio on because my dad pisses me off by turning it off--grr, it`s my car. i should be able to listen to musack if i want. i want to go to jamba juice and order a caribbean passion, like, every other day. i want to chillify with my cousins at their house and rent movies and talk about stuff. i want to talk on the phone with mike until the wee hours of the morning and try to beat that stupid record of staying up until 5 in the morning. like...5:45 or something. crazy ass, i`m not gonna get any sleep whatsoever when that happens. i want to watch soap operas and worry about what happens between carly and alcazar or sonny or whatever shit like that, and hope that chloe and brady stay together forever and ever and a day. i don`t want to worry about final projects that are worth 1/4 my grade. i don`t want to worry about grades. i don`t want to worry. i`m pissed off. i`m so so pissed off. my group is a few computers away from me doing who knows what, and here i am supposedly working on 1/5 of our project. well, whatever. i gotta go.
>>
my senior service project: [adapted from miss nadia vazquez] A BENEFIT CONCERT. YES BABY YES!