why is life the way it is?

gee i don't know you tell me. one day you're trying to be the best role model ever and you want to live life the way it's meant to be lived--in a good way. after all, you never know what will happen tomorrow so you try to live each day like it was your last on this earth and you have the most slammin time of your natural born life. then out of nowhere, like it was this magical puff into air, someone or something kills your tomorrow like it wasn't meant to be happy for you. then you feel ultra disappointed because you really want to be happy and no matter how hard you try, you can't be because whatever that thing was that pissed you off in the first place is in the back of your mind and replaying over and over again..pissing you off over and over again. then you go to bed and wake up the next morning thinking, "okay, whatever that was that happened yesterday, it ain't gonna happen today." and it doesn't and you become happy again then something else comes and disappoints the hell out of you. damn. i hate depressing myself like this, but it's true. this will only happen for everyone for the rest of their freakin lives because no one can stop nature and all its wonders. it's only there for you to be happy and then get pissed off and be happy again and pissed off again. it's just the way life is. geez. you think i'd have nothing else better to do with my free block, but when i look at my cousin's blogs, they're all insightful and i realize that i don't want my blog to become one of those blogs that just explain what i did for the past few days. besides, i've always wanted to prove that i am something more than just "kathleen". just "my cousin kathleen" or "friend kathleen" or whatever. i want something that leaves a mark with my name. i tried so hard to do something with what i thought was my talent. i can play the piano, big deal. Go train yourself and i bet you could play it too. i can get over a 95 on the karaoke machine...again, big deal. Just sing when the words light up. they don't test your voice they test your accuracy. i can write. but so what? so can half the world. i'm just another face in the freakin crowd. according to my family, i'm just kathleen. i go to a private school. i can't do anything because i'm grounded for life, until life reaches marriage. i observe how my aunts praise my manang because she's smart. she's talented. she's beautiful. how they praise my cousin christine because she's talented. she's cute. she's funny. how my cousin bryan is the life of the party. how kyle is smart for his age. how anthony and manong stanley are good with computers. how each and everyone of my cousins have something to offer, and i'm just kathleen. the black sheep of the family (in my terms). in some ways i guess i don't feel loved. even though i SWEAR I KNOW I AM. it's just one of those days where i felt like i should write a novel because free block is completely boring and i'm on my rag. --->> stupid PMS. so don't fret everyone it's just one of those pissy days, i'll be back to normal tomorrow.

just plain updating

well everyone, i came to school yesterday after a very very very long vacation. (well no not really, but it seemed like it) and i'll tell you now, it dragged soooooo LOOOOOOOOOOOONG, like, long. yeah.

i swear everytime i say i'm going to blog about something i try really hard to keep it in my mind and when i finally get the chance to update, i can't remember what the hell i wanted to update about! sheesh.

well, here: i'll just update with a memory or something
i remember when...
i was in sixth grade and i had this overly obsessive obsession with 2gether. damn. christine and i HELLA loved them like WHOA. <---haha how coincidencial that i mention WHOA...anyway, we hung up posters and looked up every thing we could about them. christine had liked chad and i liked qt. and i'm not going to get all elaborate because it's just stupid now that i look back on it. but i DO remember when qt died and for about a month and a half i mourned over what i had lost. i even remember screaming, "take me with you!" and crying at school. DAMN i was such a LOSER. and maybe..i don't know..i still am. after all, i'm starting a new celebrity crush on ricky ullman from pixel perfect. ;D.

wow, you know this entry really pisses me off because in my tagbox someone called me a BOPPER and i only cussed them out. now this entry only makes that statement relevant. >=o.

well bye then.